It was awesome. Enough said.
I’m going back next Wednesday. :)
And by me going, I am no longer depressed. Hoooo-rayyy!
Check out my completely bad-ass background on my computer. :)
You know you want it.
missallo asked "That totally makes sense. My family was okay with it but it still made me feel more alone when I'm at home, and coming out to my best friends only led to heartache, as they were curious, and thinking that they may be bi. And me... well, I couldn't help but experiment with them, because though I knew I liked girls, I wanted to be sure before I even thought about telling anyone else. And know that I've dated a guy, I'm starting to think that I may in fact be a lesbian, and not bi like i thought."
Well no matter if you’re a lesbian or bisexual, you’re still awesome. :) And those people who don’t see that, can suck it. Heh. It may take you a while to figure out who you are, and that’s okay. Always do it on your own terms, and not because people are rushing you or telling you what to do. Come out, and tell people on your own terms. <3
missallo asked "I know what you mean about hating people with significant others. More specifically, I hate people who are happy with their SO's. Because no matter how hard I try (and believe me, I'm trying) I can't be happy with a guy. I've come out to my family as bi, because I have found guys attractive. And so, to make my family comfortable with the idea, I started dating a boy. And I see how happy he is, but it just feels wrong to me, like I'm trying to put a shoe on the wrong foot. know what I mean?"
Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. Truthfully, I’ve known I was gay since about 8th grade. All my friends had boyfriends and I just wasn’t into them. Then high school hit, and to fit in, I got a boyfriend. And it was nice. But I didn’t “like” them. I just felt like I was pretending or putting on a mask. Although, now that I’ve been out to my family, it just makes me feel more lonely? If that makes sense. And of course, I just have to live in the middle of nowhere - where there aren’t any LGBT support groups. Well, there is. But I don’t want to go alone. :/
So, I’m quitting college..
Not by choice. But because it’s too hard with money. Financial Aid got withdrawn, and I’m working 16 hours a week, at $7.25 an hour. My parents won’t help me pay. Then again, they don’t really have the money either. School is just too expensive. Some days I just wish I had rich grandparents. But I’m in the awesome lower class. It’s fun, right?
On top of that, my brother and his pregnant girlfriend broke up. She was 2 months pregnant. I guess she’s decided to have an abortion. So much for me getting excited I was going to be an aunt and a God-Mother. God, I was so excited.
And as I sit here, feeling sorry for myself and crying, I’m listening to Pink’s, “Perfect”. This song has a big tendency of making me cry harder. But I can’t help it. It’s what I listen to on repeat when I’m depressed. And on top of that, my dad is still making rude and snide comments about me being a lesbian. I just don’t understand. He told me that he was okay with who I am. And then all of a sudden, he’s making these comments to my face about how gay marriage is gross and wrong. Why would he say them to my face? Like I don’t feel horrible already by the comments and things that get said to me outside of the house.
The really funny thing is, I haven’t come out to my therapist. I always go in, saying that I’m going to, but I never end up doing it. I guess Tumblr and my followers are the only people I really can, truly trust with all of my secrets and thoughts. <3
My brother..
Got his girlfriend pregnant. She’s 2 months along. And I guess she might not follow through with the pregnancy. :/ This is why my brother should’ve told me this before he told me I was going to be an Aunt and a God Mother. Because I was excited and now I’m devastated. I really want to be an Aunty and spoil my Niece/Nephew with kisses and presents.
And that’s not all of it either. There’s a lot more to the story that makes it that much worse and sucky. I just need a hug and a nice big bottle of alcohol.
I had to get this all off of my chest. I thought it would make me feel better, telling all of you. But nope. It still sucks majorly. Guess all there is to do is wait and see. God, I hate it when my life is like an episode of Teen Mom. Well, she’s 24. But still. You guys get the point.
True colors are beautiful like a rainbow
Since I first started watching Glee, I am truly jealous of the relationships they have together. They are a big family. I wish I had something like that in High School. Maybe then I would’ve stuck around a lot longer than I did. <3
(via lumousmaxima)
I think,
I’m going to use my brother’s tactic, and go to the mall to pick up girls. Because I’m sick of sitting on the other side of the couch with no one to cuddle with or kiss while my brother and his girlfriend are all lovey-dovey. It kind of makes me hate people who have significant others.
I don’t want to seem like a desperate bitch. But I’ve been alone for over a year. I know there are people who have been alone a lot longer. But I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life, alone and depressed. :/
sempiterna asked "I'm really sorry your Dad reacted like that, Jess. All the best, and I hope things get better with you two. How long has it been since you came out to him?"
Thank you. It’s been over a year. And he’s never acted like he’s never accepted me. Then he says this? I just don’t understand it at all.
My dad pisses me off.
He brought me to an appointment of mine, and we pulled into the driveway and he saw my rainbow “legalize” keychain, and he asked me if it was to legalize pot. I told him no, and that pot was gross. Then he just had to say, “Gay marriage is gross.” Straight to my face, when he knows that I’m a lesbian.
SERIOUSLY DAD? Do you have to be such a fucking dick? You could’ve at least kept it to yourself. Love you too. Now I’m going to mope and blast music so I can dream that you actually accept me.
ponponweiponpon asked "Came out to my parents last friday. they disowned me. I totally understand the feeling of rejection. Im here if you need anyone to talk to. we gotta stick together. Lots of love."
:( I’m really sorry. It blows, big time. The really good thing is now I’m closer to my 22 year old brother. He high fived me when I told him I was a lesbian. And he said, “now we can look at chicks together.” He’s priceless.
beyondmagnificence asked "I just read your post about coming out to your family. I'm so sorry some of them reacted the way they did. I know that doesn't make it better. Just know that no matter what, you are beautiful and wonderful! I have never met you in person and just found your little corner of the web today, but I want you to know that I am proud of you for having the courage to come out! The closet is never a fun place to be."
Aww. Thank you. <3 My parents and older brother don’t care. My brother actually high fived me - he’s 22, and said, “Awesome. Now we can go to the mall and look at chicks together.” So, it’s not all bad. I at least have some family members behind me. Being in the closet blows, so much. Before I had 1 foot out, and now I have both, and to be honest, it feels so much better. I don’t feel depressed from hiding myself anymore.
I came out to the rest of my family last night.
Not what I expected.
My grandparents said I was disgusting and I was a sin. And they never want to see me again. My cousin, Shawn, just looked at me and asked me if I was joking, and when I said no, he walked out.
It makes me feel a little better that most of my aunts, uncles and cousins said they love me no matter what. But it still doesn’t get rid of the horrible feeling from not being accepted by the rest of my family.
I guess I’ll just have to woman up, and stuff my face with chocolate at work. Yay for 10 hour shifts and having to close. >.<
